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2019 to 2020

This is my first post in 2020, I would like to have a quick review of my 2019.

I finally graduated from the course that I dream of. I thought I will have a career in the business once I graduated, but I found out that the world of corporate and governance that I am going to enter are too much for me to handle. I am not an assertive person and tend to become victim and end up being used by others, even on the menial works. I value myself, what I believe and all the integrity and ethics that follow. I am afraid the line of work in this field would change me and maybe degrade myself from who I am. 

In the other hand, I kind of think that I have waste my degree and my long-life dream (my dream has change now) by not actively looking for job in this particular field. This made me feel that I am too meek and useless sometimes, that I haven't push myself hard enough and going out from my comfort zone, that I am just too coward and pessimistic of this world. Moreover, it's hard for me to find my sweet spot, I have always look somewhere else to grow and have not utilise what I currently have. There is a saying that "It's easy to love the world, but it's hard to love thy neighbor", this is so me 😖.

This past year I have watching lots of dramas and  read books to escape myself from all the self-made pressures, mostly by binge watching drama during my off days 😛
Never in my life I have spent so many hours on drama, thank you to high speed Internet and all the social media. I need to go off-grid to be productive, I have no discipline nor the self control.

I am reflecting on my urge to watch drama because I really really dislike drama in my real life, I stay away from it in any level, any circumstances. I don't even socialize because of drama that might entails.

This 2020 I wish all the best happen to everyone, I wish to myself that I have more productive year. I have had a full year break, it is time for me to push myself hard without compromising myself. There must be something out there that might suitable for me, I just have to look hard to find it. I also need to set a target for myself rather than aimlessly wandering. It's time to grow, and I wish the less chaos for the world this year. We don't want many Joker in this world, we should protect each other by being kind, give each other space and respect. Stop all the entitlements behaviour and be considerate to others.

May God bless you all, have a joyous year ahead.

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