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Mourning Good Friday

I always feel heartbroken during Easter, and the Holy Week Friday is the saddest day for me in the whole year 

I still remember the first time I grieving for death was when I watched the movie about Jesus crucifixion for the first time. At that time, I couldn't comprehend why God the Father allowed Jesus to be crucified and why Israeli back in the day want Jesus to die. Since then, I start to have fear of human more than I scared of evil. I don't like suffering, to feel it, and to look at it. It's gut wrenching to see people who caused other beings to suffer in any kind of form.

Suffering is something that I consciously and unconsciously avoid constantly. But the more mature I am, the more I understand why God condones suffering. Just like He allowed Jesus to die and rise, he allowed people to experience badness for the eventuality glory on earth and definite crown in Heaven. He taught us to be resilience and have endurement to overcame all the ups and downs of life. He want us not to be arrogant, and not to use our own strength but to rely on Him.

Surrender and fully trust Him with my life is still a challenge for me. It's difficult to me to surrender because I have quite comfortable upbringing and I am a person with lots of ego who doesn't like to lose and be inferior. 

I believe in God 💯 percent, I trust Him because I am His, I live and breath for Him,  however, my level of trust is still a working progress. But believe me that I want to be a person who forsake any doubt, I desperately want to be His daughter and Jesus disciple that has faith to move the mountain and walk on the water. I want Him to be proud of me as He proud of Jobs.

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.
Romans 5:34

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.
Romans 8:18

The righteous person may have many troubles,
but the Lord delivers him from them all.
Psalm 34:19

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
2 Corinthians 4:17

Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because whoever suffers in the body is done with sin.
1 Peter 4:1

Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me.
Matthew 10.38

For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.
2 Corinthians 1:5

He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.
Deuteronomy 8:3

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