Broken to Be Whole

Today, I was being reminded a lot about being broken by Youversion devotional Bible reading and Lao Zi, the Chinese classic teaching from the Tao Teh Ching.

There were times that I felt lost in this world, I have a comfortable life but meaningless, I feel content and discontent at the same time, I just could not find my sweet spot even with the help of many motivation quotes and self-help books such as "Cure for the Common Life" by Max Lucado. Couple times I uttered the idea about leaving everything and start living an uncertain and hard life just to find something meaningful to my husband. However, to do that kind of life is also hard for me because I am the type of person who likes certainty, security, organising, and planning.

I was inspired to do the hard life because I have witnessed myself on how joyous the "poor" people life is. They have nothing materially in this life but they have so much joy to share, they might have so little but they have never afraid to share what they have. The act of giving gives the proprietor so much joy. People who are rich and middle-class-income definitely finding it hard to give.

I remember my father once left his comfortable rewarding job when we were quite little because he was concern about his wife and us (me and my 2 sisters). My father found out that my mother became quite vain, arrogant and bully our housemaid, my older sister also acted obnoxious around the house and can't do simple things by herself without ordering the maid. Later, my father changed his job, cut all the comfort and forced us to become better people from an early age before it was too late. Character is way more important than success for him and it is one thing that my parent agree on. I also remember one day during my teenage year, my parents were arguing in the car, my father told my mother that he feels when our family had nothing we are a close-knit family, but when our family have plenty, they often bickering. Not too long after that my father chose to stop working for three years, and we all working together in our own capacity to help our household to get by, and learn how to be considerate to each other.

My father did something very extraordinary for me, I believe not many parents dare to do what he did. Many parents would prefer to give a comfortable life for their children. Parents fulfilled their role that way, this is something that my father in his later-year has regret on, he thought he was a failure and disappointment to my mother and us. Honestly, there were times that I wished my father stop being such a unique person and provide us with a comfortable life just like ordinary normal parent do, and seize all the rewarding opportunities people have been offered to him. Now, I am very glad and proud to have a lot of ups and downs life with him, I am glad that he always puts values before all the monetary things. I wish I realised this sooner, I wish I was able to praise for what he did and being grateful for all his choices.

Psalms 34:18
The Lord is nigh unto them that are broken heart; and saveth such as be a contrite spirit

Psalms 51:17
The sacrifices of God are a broke spirit: a broken and contrite heart, O God thou wilt not despise

Galatians 5:1
Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage

Growing Downward

Be broken to be whole

Twist to be straight

Be empty to be full

Wear put to be renewed

Have little and gain much

Have much and get confused

So wise souls hold to the one and test all things against it

Not showing themselves, they shine forth

Not justifying themselves, they are self-evident

Not praising themselves, they are accomplished

Not competing, they have in all the world no competitor

What they used to say in the old days, “be broken to be whole”

Was that mistaken? Truly, to be whole is to return

Break Me
It’s fine to pray for safety and blessings, but what if you want more? What if you desire power from the Holy Spirit, strength from heaven, unshakable faith, genuine intimacy with your Father? Instead of just asking God to keep you safe, give you more, and protect your life, you may have to ask God to break you.

When I think about praying this prayer, “Lord, break me,”. We agreed we all wanted to pray it—and mean it—but couldn’t deny being afraid of the consequences. But my question then remains the same for all of us today: what are we losing by clinging to our comfort? What are we missing out on because we’re so committed to avoiding pain and discomfort?

Jesus said, “For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it” (Matt. 16:25). Jesus isn’t inviting us to a life of comfort and ease, but one of surrender and sacrifice. Our highest desire shouldn’t be for our will to be done, but for his will to be done. And Jesus is inviting us to die to our own lives, so we can live moment by moment, day by day—for him. To leave our cozy living rooms and safe prayers in order to know what it means to be broken for the sake of others.
By playing it safe, we risk missing something far more precious than our security and comfort. We don’t realize what blessings might be on the other side of God’s breaking.

Luke said, “And [Jesus] took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, ‘This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me’” (Luke 22:19). Almost all Bible scholars agree that Jesus’ instruction to “do this” provides believers a way to remember, honor, and celebrate his death and resurrection. But some believe that Jesus’ “do this” also refers to how we are to live. What if Jesus wasn’t just talking about a ritual that we do occasionally at church? What if he was also inviting us to be broken and poured out daily? What if we had the courage, the audacity, the faith to pray, “God, break me”? We don’t just remember Jesus during Holy Communion at church. We remember him in how we live our lives daily. Because Jesus’ body was broken, because his blood was poured out for us, we too should live daily for him, broken and poured out. 

This may not sound appealing at first glance. Who wants to be “broken” and “poured out”? That sounds painful at best, and miserable at worst. But it’s in the giving of our lives that we find true joy. Rather than pursuing our will, we surrender to his. Instead of trying to fill our lives with all that we want, we empty our lives to make a difference in the lives of others.

True brokenness before God isn’t a one-time event; it’s a daily decision. Paul said, “I die daily” (1 Cor. 15:31). What does that mean? Every day, he chose to crucify his own desires so he could live fully for God’s. If you have the courage to pray this prayer, get ready. Get ready to know God, and be known by God, in a way you’ve not experienced before.

You can play it safe. But my gut is you want more than that. I choose differently. I am a faith-filled, bet-the-farm risk-taker. I will never insult God with small thinking or safe living. If there are blessings on the other side of brokenness, then break me.