Carl Jung once said that loneliness doesn't come from having no one around you, but from being unable to communicate the things that are important to you. Keanu Reeves also said something that relates with me, he said that "I always felt like I'm not from this generation I just live in it. Because the way my mindset differs from the majority, you'd think I come from a different dimension. That's why I keep things to myself because a lot of people won't understand me.". Jorge Luis Borges said that "I'm not sure that I exist actually. I'm all the writers that I have read, all the people that I have meet, all the women that I have loved, all the cities I have visited.".
I am a laid back person with a ton of anxiety. I spend a great deal of time inside my mind, dream up a better world. I often compare myself with the better version of me, it caused me to think very little about me sometimes. I am a person who constantly looking to find a balance between not being cold because I am "shut down" and not being too emotional because I am "open up". I love routine until I'm bored, then I love excitement until I'm overwhelmed, then I love routine. I will go from extreme drainage to time-bomb explosions, from deep focus to total chaos, from feeling everything to feeling nothing, it's all within me every day, every minute.
I will understand you, forgive you, and give you the benefit of the doubt until I get to the point where it's not that I don't care anymore but I just can't. I don't like being an inconvenience to strangers or creating ruckus in public. I walk faster so as to not hold up pedestrians behind me, I make sure that I don't splash people whilst driving in the rain, taking money beforehand to pay, I'm always looking out for other people even when they don't do so themselves. I see helping people as my purpose in life, however, my real passion is to get to the heart of the issue so that people are need not be rescued at all.
I also have a habit googling unknown phone numbers that call me before answering or calling them back. People often called me smart because I have a variety of information on different subjects but in reality, it's all surface-level intelligence and I don't feel like I really good at anything
