Skip to main content

Toi La Toi




Carl Jung once said that loneliness doesn't come from having no one around you, but from being unable to communicate the things that are important to you. Keanu Reeves also said something that relates with me, he said that "I always felt like I'm not from this generation I just live in it. Because the way my mindset differs from the majority, you'd think I come from a different dimension. That's why I keep things to myself because a lot of people won't understand me.". Jorge Luis Borges said that "I'm not sure that I exist actually. I'm all the writers that I have read, all the people that I have meet, all the women that I have loved, all the cities I have visited.".

I am a laid back person with a ton of anxiety. I spend a great deal of time inside my mind, dream up a better world. I often compare myself with the better version of me, it caused me to think very little about me sometimes. I am a person who constantly looking to find a balance between not being cold because I am  "shut down" and not being too emotional because I am "open up". I love routine until I'm bored, then I love excitement until I'm overwhelmed, then I love routine. I will go from extreme drainage to time-bomb explosions, from deep focus to total chaos, from feeling everything to feeling nothing, it's all within me every day, every minute.

I will understand you, forgive you, and give you the benefit of the doubt until I get to the point where it's not that I don't care anymore but I just can't. I don't like being an inconvenience to strangers or creating ruckus in public. I walk faster so as to not hold up pedestrians behind me, I make sure that I don't splash people whilst driving in the rain, taking money beforehand to pay, I'm always looking out for other people even when they don't do so themselves. I see helping people as my purpose in life, however, my real passion is to get to the heart of the issue so that people are need not be rescued at all.

I also have a habit googling unknown phone numbers that call me before answering or calling them back. People often called me smart because I have a variety of information on different subjects but in reality, it's all surface-level intelligence and I don't feel like I really good at anything




Popular posts from this blog

The Gateway to All Understanding

The tao that can be told is not the eternal Tao The name that can be named is not the eternal Name. The unnamable is the eternally real. Naming is the origin of all particular things. Free from desire, you realize the mystery. Caught in desire, you see only the manifestations. Yet mystery and manifestations arise from the same source. This source is called darkness. Darkness within darkness. The gateway to all understanding. Tao The Ching Chapter 1
Read more

Entitlement

People say our young generation is entitled, it is a good topic to joke about for the stand-up comedians. Entitled is believing oneself to be inherently deserving of privileges or special treatment. I believe this is not owned by the young generation only, every generation has it, every one of us has it to some degree. This is a problem we have in society in any age, in any countries in this world. I remember when I was a kid, at night during the hot season our house was filled with mosquitos, and dengue fever are quite common in our country.  I can't remember whether I and my sister ever whined about it but I always remember the fact that my mother often stayed up late holding the insects killer racket just to defended us from the mosquitoes. However, My entitlement behaviour took the bad on me, I thought she ought to do that one because she is our mother, it's her duties to protect us. I did not really care how many hours she has spent at our room every night, or whethe...
Read more

Character vs Skills

"Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” –Confucius “Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.” –Theodore Roosevelt "Hire character.  Train skill.” –Peter Schutz Have you ever notice how the recruitment process being done nowadays? The first screening is the employer will judging you from your resume, cover letter and GPA The second screening is they will test your employability skills The next test is group interview and the last test is direct interview with the vendor Through this process, skills definitely come first before the character and ethic. Character and ethics become the last or non existent factors to be considered in. No wonder people are so critical and cut throat at work or at school to be recognised for their skills. And we are wonder how the society become so corrupted?  Hiring competent people with corrupted morale will only bring damage to the society. Low morale people...
Read more